Nexus

Tonight the silvery full November moon crept into the early evening sky, eager to begin its earnest journey from east to west. I stood, unmoving, staring at that moon from the safety and warmth of my home, transfixed by the radiating glow and the haunting beauty. One single, stolen glance revealed to me that what I had once hoped and believed to be over, continues.

The moon returns my steady gaze; the ever-tempting pull remains, even after all this time. We exchange secrets, reveal dreams, fantasize together, all the while separated by a pane of glass. We can see into each other’s hearts, witness the wanting, but that is all. We will only ever get so close. To go further would be to relinquish it all; to completely turn away would be to deny the truth of who I am. The complexities run too deep.

As I stand there, I see that it is moving so quickly that I can easily witness its journey – in mere moments it has already moved away from me. A blink and it is further west than it was just a split second before. It won’t be here forever; already I can feel it pulling away. There is no use in trying desperately to hang on; all I can do is bask in the silver light and appreciate the beauty while it is here with me. I do not own this moon; he is his own keeper, as I must be mine.

This moon is a part of me; this fact is something that I now accept. No matter how far away it may travel from me, I will never forget, I will never fully escape it. I will hold the secret truth close to my heart always, nurturing it, feeding it, keeping it alive. I no longer dream for the allure to disappear; I simply accept it for what it is – a part of me. A part of me will always belong to the night. I cannot go back to what I was before. The connection is too strong. To deny it, would be to deny a part of myself. I am through with that.