"I Wanna Be Just Like You When I Grow Up"

So my almost five year old hit me with a doozie yesterday. She looked at me and declared, "I wanna be just like you when I grow up, Mommy".

Uh...what?

I laughed to myself. She's entered into that, "My mommy is the coolest person in the world and I'm not afraid to shout it from the rooftops" phase. Better than "Mom, you don't know shit", which generally comes close on the heels of the hero-worship thing after the kid discovers that you're really just human after all.

But I am human. I can't hide that. I am human, I make mistakes. All the time. Just like everyone else. Some big ones, some small ones. It's just a simple fact of living - the more we get out there and live, the more opportunities we have to screw it up. And oftentimes, we do just that.

I've been thinking a lot about Emma since we had that conversation. I've realized that she's watching everything I do. Every good thing, and everything not-so-good thing is being observed and filed away in that little brain of hers.

It's a lot of pressure to be under.

My first instinct is to try and do everything perfectly. Be the model mom that any kid could be proud of. Impossible! I could give it a try, and maybe she'd even buy it, but there would come a point when she'd find herself realizing that mommy doesn't do everything so perfectly after all, and then her belief in me, and most likely herself, would be shattered. That's the last thing I would want.

Instead, I am left with the only other option -- being human. It's the only 'real' option, isn't it? Instead of trying to fool my daughter (and myself) with fake sentiment, I am going for honesty.

No, honey, I'm not perfect. Yes, I do make mistakes, just like everyone else. The only thing we can do when that happens is to learn from it, and try to do better next time. Yeah, it sucks but it's the only real opportunity that we have for true happiness.

These days, I'm trying to be grateful for my screw-ups. They remind me that I'm alive. They have so much to teach me. Yep, it truly sucks when they happen, but I'm a firm believer that a life without mistakes is no life at all.

Someone remind me of this the next time I really feel like crap, okay?