Forgiveness

Forgiveness is one of those things that's difficult for a lot of people to understand. I'll admit that it's something that I personally had/have trouble with as well.

I used to think that by forgiving someone, it meant saying, "It's okay what you did to me." I mean, how many of us have been trained, when someone says, "I'm sorry" to respond with "that's okay"? I have retrained myself to say "that's okay" only when it truly is okay. Other times, when someone hurts me and apologize, I simply say "thank you".

I believe that forgiveness, particularly when it comes to the big issues in life, should be about the person doing the forgiving. Forgiveness of this type means, "I'm not going to harbour any bad feelings toward you. I am letting go...and I am doing this for me." To truly forgive someone means that you are no longer allowing those negative feelings to control you. Forgiveness is about letting go of all the hurt and moving forward, into the light.

I have suffered significant hurts in my life. Some more recent than others. I am no longer holding on to the anger and hurt from these events -- it serves no useful purpose to do so. I forgive those who have hurt me. I am moving forward with my life.

The only thing I do find interesting in all of this is that if I'm able to forgive others...why do I have such a difficult time forgiving myself? I am my own harshest critic. I observe myself - my thoughts, words, and actions, and pass judgment on myself more harshly than I would any of my loved ones.

I guess that's the problem, really. I don't appear on my list of "loved ones". I know that I have to rectify that, in order to move on with my life and be a happier person.

Some days I can see happiness...just over the horizon, just out of reach. I truly hope that I will make it there one day.