Love is a Choice

I've been turning this concept over in my mind a lot this morning - Love is a Choice.

I read someone's opinion this morning that love is nothing more than a chemical reaction. I disagree with that completely. Lust is a chemical reaction, definitely. And I think that far too many people confuse lust with love.

Lust - those initial feelings in the beginning of the relationship - the feelings that make you want to be around that person all the time. It's like a drug. Of course it's a great feeling. I think that most relationships start off that way, and really, they need to. It's what attracts two people, brings them together in the first place. It ensures continuation of the species.

Then, there is love. Love develops and deepens over time. It doesn't happen overnight, despite what the books and movies would have you believe. Love isn't a feeling or a word, as most people believe. It is a verb - an action word. It requires work. I firmly believe that the couples who stay together their whole lives make the decision to do so. It's not that their relationships are so much greater than anyone else's. Hell, we've ALL got problems and issues to work through -- otherwise, we wouldn't be human. The difference between a relationship that lasts, and one that doesn't, is the willingness of the partners involved to work through the crap that gets dredged to the surface. And make no mistake - it WILL happen eventually.

I'm not saying this in judgment of anyone. Obviously, this is something that BOTH people have to commit to. And that's not always the case. This particular road is a hell of lot of work. It's not for the easily exhausted. Sometimes, other factors get in the way, other things take priority. That's just the way that it is sometimes.

But I do believe that the divorce rate would go down dramatically if couples simply made the daily decision to love their partner unconditionally, and no matter what. I strongly believe that couples who do that, can make it through anything.

Am I little bit optimistic? Maybe. So far it's gotten me through 10 years and a whole helluva lot of issues and screw ups...big ones, even. I don't know what the future holds for me, but I do know that I am making the commitment to love my husband through whatever life throws my way.

It Ain't Easy

Marriage isn't easy.

That thought never really occurred to me when Chris and I got married back in 2001. Up until that point, we'd gone through some "rough patches", so I didn't have any illusions that it was going to be completely wonderful all the the time. Yet I still didn't really realize the amount of work it was going to take.

One of the complexities about marriage is the fact that people are always changing (ideally, anyhow). If both partners in a marriage are growing and changing, then it's only going to make sense that the marriage must grow and change as well. My relationship with Chris looks a lot different now than it did a decade ago. And in another 10 years, it's going to look different still.

It's so easy to get too comfortable in a marriage...to fall into the trap of complacency and laziness. It seems that's an all too comfortable part of being human...avoiding those things that require a lot of effort. One thing I've learned in my almost 34 years on this earth is that the things that are the hardest to do, are most worth it in the end. I guess that's at least one of the reasons why marriage, when it's good, can be so rewarding.