Wants vs. Needs

I always wanted to be one of those women who was completely fulfilled by her role as wife and mother. I worked very hard for many years, trying to stuff myself into that role and be happy with it. Since becoming a mommy I've gone through several 'dark periods', where I struggle with depression and feelings of unworthiness.

I've been experiencing the same thing for the past several months now.

What it really boils down to is the fact that I'm not satisfied with just being a wife and mommy. I wanted that, and I tried so hard to be it. I thought that the problem was that I just wasn't trying hard enough. I can see now that there isn't really a "problem", just reality. And the reality is that I need more in my life, that I need more things that are just for me, that are outside of being a wife and mommy.

Despite what I may want, I'm stopping to take a look at what I actually need. The two aren't necessarily the same.

The fact that Emma is getting older is really making me think about the fact that I'm not always going to have these girls of mine. They're not even really "mine", since we can't "have" another person. I've simply been entrusted with the responsibility of nurturing and protecting them, and helping them to become the people that they are meant to be.

And while I'm doing that, I can't forget to nurture myself, and be the person that *I* am meant to be.

Now I'm just left with the task of figuring out who and what that is....