I went to bed last night with the intentions of getting up this morning to run. I woke up in the night, a couple of hours early, and realized that it probably made more sense for me to spend an extra hour sleeping, instead of running. I've been planning all week to get to bed early, and it just hasn't happened. So this morning I chose sleep over running. It's all good, though - I am happy with that decision. There is a little sadness over the lack of running...I'm surprised by how good it feels again, so quickly. But Monday is my long run again, and already I'm looking forward to it.
Tonight my girlfriend and I are staying at another girlfriend's empty apartment for a "mommy's sleepover night". We're going to drink beer, giggle, eat nasty takeout food, and maybe even go out dancing, if we feel up to it.
I really, really need some fun. I'm really looking forward to it. Mommy-free time is good. :)
Showing posts with label choices. Show all posts
Showing posts with label choices. Show all posts
Friday, March 28, 2008
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
Making the Choice
So I've been thinking a lot more about this whole 'choosing self-love' option that's out there. I realize that I've been expecting that I was going to suddenly wake up one morning and just love myself.
It just doesn't work that way.
I'm thinking that for someone like me, learning to love myself is a lot like recovering from an eating disorder. You don't just wake up one morning and the urge to abuse one's body with food (or a lack of it) is suddenly gone. It takes work...effort. Two steps forward, one step back. Some days are golden, others are like walking through a mud pit that is slowly filling up around you. However, the beauty of it is, every day, no matter if it is a "good" day, or a "bad" one, teaches you more about yourself and the process.
I'm thinking that the journey toward self-love is much the same way. It's not going to be like flipping on a switch. This is something that I am going to have to fight for, if it's something that I really and truly want.
Do I want it? Yes! Even though this scares the ever-livin' CRAP outta me, this is something that I very much want to achieve.
Wow. It's hard even admitting that.
The fear is good. It lets me know that this is something that I really do need to do....
It just doesn't work that way.
I'm thinking that for someone like me, learning to love myself is a lot like recovering from an eating disorder. You don't just wake up one morning and the urge to abuse one's body with food (or a lack of it) is suddenly gone. It takes work...effort. Two steps forward, one step back. Some days are golden, others are like walking through a mud pit that is slowly filling up around you. However, the beauty of it is, every day, no matter if it is a "good" day, or a "bad" one, teaches you more about yourself and the process.
I'm thinking that the journey toward self-love is much the same way. It's not going to be like flipping on a switch. This is something that I am going to have to fight for, if it's something that I really and truly want.
Do I want it? Yes! Even though this scares the ever-livin' CRAP outta me, this is something that I very much want to achieve.
Wow. It's hard even admitting that.
The fear is good. It lets me know that this is something that I really do need to do....
Saturday, February 2, 2008
Sushi Night
For the past almost three years, Friday night has been Sushi Night for Chris and I. I make us sushi, we wait until the girls are in bed, and then we sit down to enjoy our meal in peace together and usually watch a movie. It's a nice little tradition, something to look forward to during the week.
Last night I made cucumber rolls for the first time in a while. When I took the first bite of cucumber, the fresh, crisp taste reminded me of when we first started our little tradition. I found my heart longing for spring -- a fresh beginning. I wished in that moment for the ability to travel in time, back to before I'd made so many mistakes, before my heart was filled with so much hurt and regret. I try hard to remain positive, and look for the lessons that life is offering me, but that is difficult to do sometimes.
We don't always make the right choices in life, that is a sad truth. But every choice, "good" or "bad", has the ability to teach us something...if we remain open to that possibility. That is the knowledge that I hug close to myself when my head hits the pillow every night.
That doesn't stop the tears...but it helps me to know that those tears are not in vain.
Last night I made cucumber rolls for the first time in a while. When I took the first bite of cucumber, the fresh, crisp taste reminded me of when we first started our little tradition. I found my heart longing for spring -- a fresh beginning. I wished in that moment for the ability to travel in time, back to before I'd made so many mistakes, before my heart was filled with so much hurt and regret. I try hard to remain positive, and look for the lessons that life is offering me, but that is difficult to do sometimes.
We don't always make the right choices in life, that is a sad truth. But every choice, "good" or "bad", has the ability to teach us something...if we remain open to that possibility. That is the knowledge that I hug close to myself when my head hits the pillow every night.
That doesn't stop the tears...but it helps me to know that those tears are not in vain.
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