This morning's thoughts

I went to bed last night with the intentions of getting up this morning to run. I woke up in the night, a couple of hours early, and realized that it probably made more sense for me to spend an extra hour sleeping, instead of running. I've been planning all week to get to bed early, and it just hasn't happened. So this morning I chose sleep over running. It's all good, though - I am happy with that decision. There is a little sadness over the lack of running...I'm surprised by how good it feels again, so quickly. But Monday is my long run again, and already I'm looking forward to it.

Tonight my girlfriend and I are staying at another girlfriend's empty apartment for a "mommy's sleepover night". We're going to drink beer, giggle, eat nasty takeout food, and maybe even go out dancing, if we feel up to it.

I really, really need some fun. I'm really looking forward to it. Mommy-free time is good. :)

Friendship

When I was young, being friends with someone was all about what they could do for me. A good friend was someone I could have fun with, laugh with, who made me feel good about myself and secure in my place in the world. I operated on the assumption that I did the same for them, but didn't really worry about it a whole lot. When things stopped being fun, then usually the friendship died.

Now that I'm older, and know a little bit more about the world, I realize that good friendships need to be more about what I can do for the other person. Hopefully both people involved feel the same way, otherwise it ends up being a little one-sided. Not to say that those types of relationships don't have their merit as well - sometimes, in some cases, a relationship is purely about giving, and getting very little in return. Of course, there are times in all friendships when things are a little bit more about one person than the other. We all go through difficult times and we all need to have someone that we can lean on when that happens.

One of the hardest parts of friendship is sitting back and not interfering in some situations. I am a firm believer that we all need the freedom in life to make our own mistakes. It is from those mistakes and negative experiences that we grow and learn the most. Loving a friend unconditionally means that sometimes you're going to watch them go to a bad place, or remain in a bad place, steep themselves in skewed thought processes, or whatever, and the only thing that you can do is be sympathetic, listen, and love...and most of all, accept them for who and what they are. And hope that when the dust settles that they've learned something from it all.

I am the kind of person who has the tendency to really want to help others when I see opportunity to help. This sometimes means that I crowd others a little too much in my desire to do the loving and helpful thing. Some things we have to learn on our own. I need to remember that. It just hurts to see someone else hurting.

It's hard sometimes.

I am craving adult friendships more lately. I have many wonderful friends in my life, and I feel truly blessed. I am also feeling the need to reach out to others, and I am realizing how difficult it can be to make new friends. What is even more difficult is reminding myself that it takes time to build intimacy and trust.

Friendships are a lot of work. But like most things of life, the things that are the most work are the most worth it in the end.

Evening with an old friend

Last night I spent the evening with a friend that I haven't seen in about 15 years. We'd lost touch over the years, but then found each other again on Facebook. Turns out he lives in the city too, and so we decided to get together last night for some fun. I was a little hesitant at first - after all, it's been a long time. He was great to hang out with "back in the day", but I had no way of knowing for sure that last night was going to be as comfortable and fun as it used to be.

It was so great seeing him! We met up at the mall to just shop a little and act like goofs. Then we went to his place and just lounged around, talking, giggling, teasing, looking at photos, telling stories, catching up...it was great. The evening was a mix of catching up with an old friend and getting to know someone new (lots can change in 15 years). When he finally brought me home and dropped me off, my cheeks hurt from grinning so much. My spirit felt lighter than it has in months.

I've been really craving adult friendships in my life, and more time for me, and last night was exactly what I needed. I am realizing that I need more male friendships in my life. Hey, I love my girlfriends, but for some reason I need male friends, too. Their energy is different, their experiences and ways of looking at the world are different, too. I think that might be part of why I've been missing my friend Richard so much...he brought a male energy to my life that I haven't had in quite the same way since then. Sure, Chris is my friend as well as my husband, but I need something different than that, something separate, a thing that I can't quite put my finger on right now.

In any case, last night was a lot of fun, and I sincerely hope that we get to do it again sometime. It was good to spend an evening as simply "Kelly".

I am still grinning this morning.