The Clothes Don't Make the Runner

I went out there this afternoon in my fancy new running outfit. I needed a run - I've been feeling down and dark since yesterday, bummed out about the whole lack of writing in my life right now. Chris practically shoved me out the door, and, as always, once I got out there, I did feel better. I noticed, though, that now, with the expensive clothes, I feel even more like a faker. At least when I was out there in my ratty fleece and crappy running pants, I could tell myself that I was out there for the love of doing it. Now that I've got ridiculously expensive clothes, I look like all the other "posers" out there. Ugh.

I can't win. At least not in my eyes.

I guess what I really need to do is suck it up and not worry so much about how I may or may not look to other people. That's a biggie for me - it flies in the face of everything I was raised to believe. It's hard, sometimes, to overcome that programming.

Today was a short run. I'm looking forward to getting back into some kind of a routine with my running again. Although I fancy myself a "go with the flow" kind of gal, there are some areas in my life where I really like structure, and thrive on it. Running happens to be one of those things.

Chris has started in with the dreaded words already - "You're in training". I can't believe that it's time to start seriously thinking about the marathon again. But here we are again - the big day is only 131 days away. It's going to be harder this time around, I think. This time I know what I'm getting myself into.....and although a part of me can hardly wait to experience it all again, another part of me is dreading it.....