Struggling

This is the second morning in a row that I've gotten up, gotten dressed for running, and haven't made it out the door. I am really struggling with getting out there, and doing what I need to do in order to feel better.

I guess at least part of it is my own self-destruction tendency. Doing good things to and for myself is really hard for me, particularly when I'm struggling through a "low", like I am right now. I did journal this morning, which I suppose is something good, but it doesn't compare to the sweat and heavy breathing and muscle exhaustion of getting out there and running.

I suppose instead of focusing on what I'm NOT doing, I should focus on what I AM doing. It is, however, a difficult thing for me to do. I'm so used to focusing on the negative things about myself, that seeing that positives isn't usually an easy thing.

Just one more thing on my list of "things to do"....