Falling Short

Today was supposed to be long run day. Note I said "supposed to be". I had a bit of digestive upset yesterday - not sure if it was physical or emotional - but it left me feeling drained this morning.

On top of that, I am feeling very weighed down by my mental and emotional state.

I tried. I did oversleep, resigning myself to the fact that I would still be able to get out there and go for at short one. I got up, dressed, and got out there. Less than 5 minutes into the run, I knew that I wasn't going to be a good one. Another five minutes, when I stopped to stretch, I was ready to throw in the towel. I turned back toward home.

I'm trying hard not to feel discouraged by this. Last week it was so great to be getting out there again, doing something that I love so much. This morning, I'm having difficulty believing that I deserve to feel good like that. And that's always the issue - feeling like I deserve it.

I still don't.

I'm thinking of taking a break from this blog for a while. I feel like I have few good things to write about right now. I'm tired of the moaning and complaining. I can do that elsewhere, but not here. This blog was always meant to be about so much more than that. Sure, there was always an element about my struggles in life, we've all got those. I always thought that in some small way, I could offer hope to other people reading this that they're not alone, that we all struggle, and it's okay. Not alone, check. Struggling, check. Okay? Some days I'm not so sure anymore.

This blog has morphed into something that I didn't want it to be. I think that has a lot to do with the fact that I have morphed into someone that I don't want to be.

I'm sorry to those that I have let down. You never deserved to be disappointed.