The Quiet

Vacation quiet was good. I was able to get alone a couple of times, and go running in the nearby park. Both times were intense...I found myself overwhelmed by thoughts and emotions....to the point where I thought I was going to fly apart into a million pieces.

I'm not sure if that's a good feeling or a bad one.

I have come to the conclusion that I need more running. I've been having a hard time getting myself out there these past couple of months...all because I don't want to be alone with my thoughts. There's simply too much to think about. I do know, however, that the only way to sort through the garbage is to go running and sort through it...but it's such a scary thought to me right now.

I don't know that I necessarily got a lot sorted out this week. I had a difficult time opening up to people, talking about my 'stuff'. I guess I always end up feeling like I don't have a right to feel what I feel, that everyone is tired of hearing me whine. I have an inner drill sergeant that tells me to "just suck it up and deal with it!!!" which comes in mighty handy when running a marathon but isn't so great when it comes to being honest with my feelings and working through what I need to work through in order to be a whole person again.

This morning is quiet again. Chris took the girls out to playgroup this morning and I'm left with the daunting task of preparing for Miss Molly's 3rd birthday party tomorrow. I've got so much left to do that I'm not even sure where to start. Classic Kelly. Leave it all go until the last minute and then work like a madwoman and completely stress out getting it done.

I guess that's a pretty good distraction from thinking about how shitty I still feel.