A Reward

I pushed myself out the door this morning. After a long talk with Chris yesterday, and a huge pep talk to myself last night, I decided that I can't let how I'm currently feeling hold me back from something that is ultimately very, very good for me. Running is a part of who I am...and I can not deny it. I can't take it away from myself as some sort of a punishment for my mistakes in life...I am punishing myself enough. I need to let some joy in once and a while, too.

So I made it out the door this morning. It was a great day for running - the sidewalks were clear, it was not too cold...ah...

I got less than two blocks when I heard it -- a bird. Now, as anyone who knows me can attest to, I'm terrified of birds most days, but there's something about the sound of birds singing while I'm out running that really puts joy into my heart. I can't remember hearing that sound in a long while, not since early last fall. I smiled a little smile and kept on going.

I looped around and got to the top of the hill, and there it was -- the sunrise. A glorious, golden-cloud, pink-sky sunrise. I haven't seen one of those in months, either. And yet, there it was. I felt my heart fill up with even more joy, and pressed onward.

I won't lie and say that today's run was an easy one. It wasn't. I still found myself bombarded with memories. I did my best to sort through them as best I could. I even found my mind eventually wandering off to happier thoughts.

Today I am feeling better. I will get there. It's just going to take some time.