I need....

I need to run. I need to run until my body becomes numb and my brain zones out. I need to run into the morning and forget about everything that is weighing me down.

Intellectually, I know that the healing process takes time. Emotionally, I am already tired of all the work...and I know that there is so much more to come. This is only the beginning.

I haven't been running lately. Too many negative associations, too many times when running was about running away from something...trying to run away from the person that I was. I don't want to be that person any more. She made a lot of mistakes, she screwed up things in so many ways.

I need to remember why running is good for me, why I love it so much. It's hard to do that. It's hard to do things that are good for me these days.

It's hard to love myself...particularly since I'm not sure if I ever have....