The Run

I did it. The long run. Sadly, not nearly as long as I wanted. It ended up only being 13 k - I was hoping for at least 15. But considering how little I've run these past 4 months or so, I think I'll just be satisfied with what I managed with relative ease.

I was surprised by how well it went this morning. I wasn't overwhelmed. I felt calm and centered. Thoughts came in, emotions crept up, memories knocked at the door. I didn't fight them. I acknowledged everything. I didn't crumble. I didn't stumble. I didn't fall apart. If the emotions welled up a little too much, I simply pushed myself a bit harder, focusing on the physical sensation. I even reached the 'sweet spot' that I desire so much - when my body just takes over and it's like I can run forever. I'd kinda forgotten about that feeling. (!!) By the time I reached that place this morning, I'd already sifted through a lot of the mental garbage. I let my thoughts flow as my body did what it does best. It's so reassuring to know that even after all this time, my body still instinctually knows what to do.

And now I'm enjoying the post-run glow. I'd forgotten about that, too - the flow of energy, the mental calm, the feeling that all is right with the world.

I'm so glad that I was able to push past all my fears and get out there and do this for myself. It's making all the difference. Not every day is going to be as good as today, but I can live with that. They're not all meant to be gems.

I'm going to be okay. I finally, finally, finally feel this.