Happiness Is.....

Happiness is.....


The first playground visit of the season! :)

Glorious Morning

This morning's run was nothing short of awesome. The sun was shining, there was a hint of crispness in the air, birds were singing. I felt strong and capable and full of life.

I got out the door a little later than I would have liked, and so the run had be shorter than was ideal, but hell, it can't all be perfect, now can it? ;)

It's a busy week for me this week, what with the birthday party on Sunday and all, but it's a good kind of busy. Throwing myself into a fun project is a good distraction from some of the less pleasurable parts of my life. Yeah, I'll get back to dealing with those unpleasant things, but for now, it's good to take a break from them and focus on something else. The issues will wait. Emma's only ever going to have one 5th Birthday Party.

This morning we have a playdate with a friend. The best part of it for me (besides the company, of course!) is getting a HUGE mug of strong organic coffee. Like the addict that I am, I can't keep coffee in my house, so I need to take advantage of the opportunity to have it whenever it arises. Today is one of those days. I can already feel the caffeine coursing through my veins.

WHEEEEEEEEEE!

Enjoying the Spring Weather

The girls and I got out yesterday afternoon to enjoy the beautiful spring weather. We drew with sidewalk chalk, blew bubbles, rode bikes, even had a short playdate with the neighbour kid who came out to ride with us.

Spring is here! It makes me so happy!

I'm smiling

I went out for a run this morning. It's "long run" day, but I only ended up with a mediocre one - 11-k - I sacrificed sleep for some quality time with my hubby last night ;) and so I'm a little sluggish this morning as a result. Hey, it's all about priorities, though, right? Time with hubby comes before an extra 5-k on my morning run.

This morning I am smiling, drinking in the sunshine and relishing being alive. I am keenly aware today that there are no guarantees in this life, and so I need to make sure that I enjoy the happy moments while I'm in the middle of them (as I write this, Chris is wrestling with and tickling the girls behind me. Their squeals of delight are almost deafening).

You know what? I think I'm going to hit 'post' and go join them. :)

Van Halen - "Right Now"

This video always gave me goosebumps.





Some of the words that are particularly relevant to my life, and some of those around me RIGHT NOW:

"Right now opportunity is passing you by"

"Right now guilt is turning someone inside out"

"Right now, somebody's got the wrong idea"

"Right now is just a space between ice ages"

"Right now is a good time to repent"

'Right now the truth is being obscured"

"Right now no one is safe from loneliness"

"Right now time is having its way with you"

"Right now you aren't doing what you most wish you were"

"Right now keeps happening"

Yep....the goosebumps are still there....

For a friend - who needs to know that he's not alone

I'm sending out care and concern to a friend who is in need today. You're not alone. Hug yourself with the love you have in your life. You deserve every bit of it.

Big News!!

I have quite possible that I have the world's most excited almost five year old.

This morning, while at the library, Miss Emma commented that her front teeth hurt while eating her snack. Upon close inspection, it was discovered that Emma has her first loose tooth. It's only a tiny, tiny, tiny bit loose, but as far as she's concerned, that's good enough. The kid's been asking since she was 2 1/2 when she was going to get her first loose tooth, so as far as she's concerned, she's been waiting for this moment forever.

She was so excited, in fact, that she then proceeded to go to all the librarians she knew to spread the good news. We even had to go up into the adult section to seek out a couple that she knew up there. Naturally, everyone was quite excited to hear the news, which only added to Emma's delight.

Watching her, I drank in her happiness and excitement. She'll probably always remember this day, for this very reason. It's kind of ironic - I have my own reasons for remembering today, as a fresh start in my life, and it will be made all the sweeter by the fact that I share this memory of a special milestone in my daughter's life.

Her joy was contagious today, spreading throughout the whole building, infecting everyone she came into contact with. But most especially me. I looked into her excited little face, and knew that it was moments like these that make life truly worth living.

Looking for the Light

Gotta love my ability to set an "internal alarm clock". I went to bed telling myself 6:00 am. And indeed, by 6:05 this morning I was awake. Waking up this way is a helluva lot better than with an old-fashioned alarm clock ripping me from my dreams.

Today I have promised myself to go out into the world and look for the light. I've been struggling a lot in the last few months, with life in general. It's been rough. Not just for me, but for the people around me, too. I'm afraid I've been a bit of a black hole.

Although I've done as well as I could to be the best mother that I can throughout all of this, I'm afraid that the girls have suffered some. They have gotten less of me than they deserve and need. And it shows. They are a little more tentative, a little less sure of themselves. They end up coming in our bed/room before morning every single night. I think they've just been needing a little extra reassurance.

They are so wonderful. And they truly do deserve better than they've been getting. Today I start working on making that better. My hope is that I haven't done any irreparable damage.

Today I also start working on gratitude. Gratitude for the blessings that I have. The little things. Instead of feeling frustration because I spend every night sandwiched between my hairy husband and a squirming toddler, I will feel grateful that I am loved this much. Instead of sighing when I'm asked to stop my housework to read a book or give some cuddles, I will enjoy a quiet moment with my daughters, knowing that they will only be little and will only need me like this for so long.

Not every day will be good, this I know. And I am okay with that. I can only live day to day. I cannot worry about tomorrow. I will take that as it comes.

City Girl

I got to spend some much-needed time this weekend, alone, out and about in the city. I was reminded again of how much I love it. I'm a country girl originally, a way-out-in-the-sticks kind of country girl, and I never imagined myself as a city dweller.

Yet here I am.

Here I am, and I love it. I am thriving here. I am a people person and I love being surrounded by people. I love the fact that I can be both surrounded by people, and all alone at the same time. I love watching people, seeing the differences and similarities that we all share.

We are not alone. We humans are attached by emotion - deep down, we share emotional experiences. I love the feeling of being connected with everyone else - both in the city and the world around me. It makes it easier, on days like today, to feel compassion for myself, as I allow myself to feel compassion for others.

Feeling compassion for myself isn't easy some days. It's far too easy to focus on my (many) shortcomings. But I am trying. I am making small efforts toward moving forward.

But I digress.

Spending time out alone in the city reminded me of the fact that, deep down, I will always be a city girl. I love the sights and sounds of the city. I love the pigeons and the roar of the buses and the honking of impatient drivers. I love the energy of the city - I feed off it.

It reminds me of what there is to live for.

Through the Eyes of a Child

Geez, kids are amazing. No, I'm not just figuring that out now, but it's one of those things that's easy to forget sometimes, in the getting caught up with the messy part of life. I have these moments every now and again when I'm reminded why having kids is such an amazing thing...even despite the snotty noses, whining, and late night "musical beds" antics.

Yesterday I went out with the girls and a girlfriend of mine to enjoy the gorgeous spring day. On the way home, we walked past one spot on the sidewalk that has poor drainage (it's right by a hill) and in the wintertime it's always covered with ice - I hate running past there - and in the springtime there is slush and water and mud to contend with. As we were walking past there, trudging through a thin layer of water and mud, I commented to my friend, "I always hate this spot."

From the bike trailer, Emma piped up, "No, Mommy, it's the best spot because you can see your tracks after you walk through it."

Hm. I guess that's at least part of my problem - I've been looking at life too much like a grown-up. It's so great how kids can always seem to find the beauty and wonder in things. I need to put on my kid-coloured glasses a little more often. Only a five year old could see something cool about a muddy spot on the sidewalk.

Thanks, Kiddo.

The Speed of Life

Lately I have been struck hard with the sense of how fast life is moving. I have to admit, this has me panicked. Everything is flying by so much faster than I ever thought possible. I blink my eyes and a year has passed; looking back, the events of the past year are like a blur of memories.

I want so much to slow it down, to linger in the wonderful, beautiful, happy moments of my life. I feel like I'm trying desperately to hang on, but it's slipping through my fingers, and the more I try to grab it, the more it all slithers away.

I am the kind of person who is never able to appreciate what I have until it is gone. That makes me feel so sad...so many wonderful moments that I didn't enjoy when I was right in the middle of them, and now they are only memories. I know that this means I have to work harder from now on, to enjoy what I have, while it is happening. I only hope that I am able to do that.

Waking Up

Today I feel like I am finally waking up after being asleep for the last couple of months. I've been running on "auto-pilot", getting through the day, my head elsewhere, living anywhere else but the moment that I am in.

Now that I'm stopping to look around, I'm realizing that there's lots I've missed out on. I can't jump in a time machine and change any of the choices that I've made in the last little while, re-live any of those lost moments...all I can do is be aware of this problem, and make an effort to make each moment, from this moment on, as good as I can.

I'm ready to face my life. With a smile.

Being "in the moment"

Being in the moment is something that I am working hard on, but to be honest, I haven't been doing a particularly good job at it the last few months or so. I have been finding myself escaping from the present moment more and more...to the point where I sometimes don't hear people when they talk directly to me. My mind goes off in one direction while my body goes another. It's not a good situation.

I am trying to remedy this. This, however, is pretty damned difficult. Today I took the girls shopping at the mall for a while, and then to Walmart. They really weren't in the mood for shopping - I must have said Emma's name 200 times, easily, looking for her because she'd run off, calling for her to catch up, or speaking to her for not listening. Molly was feeling particularly whiny and wanting very much to keep up with her big sister. Add to this the fact that I personally hate mall shopping and really didn't want to be there all that much myself.

I was exhausted after we'd been in the mall for 10 minutes. Emma wasn't listening, Molly was whining, and I found myself wishing I were someplace else. Then I reminded myself of my goal to live more in the moment. I took a deep breath. I made an effort to keep my voice level and my patience intact. I lived in the moments as they came to me.

Let me just say, it was NOT easy. It would have been a whole lot easier to let my kids run amok and mentally transport myself to another space-time continuum. But I stayed with it. And I survived.

I can't exactly say that I felt joyful, but I was there, in that moment, feeling and experiencing all of it as it came, and that's the important part.